Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
