nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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