In the future we'll all be gay
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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