It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
