Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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