just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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