I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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