He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Shame is for Republicans.
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