I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
