what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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