12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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