you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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