So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
