Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Two words: blizzard sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
