I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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