birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
