My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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