Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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