Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
