Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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