Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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