Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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