We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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