i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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