I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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