Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize