I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
