Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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