Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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