I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
