I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
