Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
