So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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