I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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