I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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