He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
