Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
