You work out of a Hotel?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
