alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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