Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
