Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
