Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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