No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
