the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
