He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
