she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
