shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you never un-have a 4some
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
