we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
