I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts