I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize