Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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