I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dignity is for republicans.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
