Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
