Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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