I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
