Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
