Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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