You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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