literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
