the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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