You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
