I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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