Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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