seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She bit a glass in half.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
