What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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