woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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