Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
