I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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