he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize