did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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