How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
